The Crown

Ali Naro 15 December, 2017 Comments Off on The Crown
The Crown

Starring – Vanessa Kirby and Vanessa Kirby and oh yeah, Vanessa Kirby, and oh okay, these fine actors are in it as well, Claire Foy, Matt Smith, John Lithgow, Jared Harris, Victoria Hamilton and a ton of other amazing, amazing British actors! God I love me some British actors! But really, aren’t you really just here for Vanessa Kirby? Or is that just me?
Created by – My favorite person in the whole wide world right now (besides my wife, of course) Peter Morgan. And if my wife would let me, I would so marry this man (hey, she’s finally thinking about allowing me to marry Judi Dench, so you never know), but only for his amazingly wonderful and genius artistic brain, not for his body. I am a lesbian, after all! 😉
2016-present (Although my vote is to have this show air for the rest of eternity or as long as the British Empire still has a sovereign, because if the British royal family is still around and ruling but not ruling a barely there empire and all at the same time, then why not still have The Crown on always to tell their story?? Hey, a girl can dream, can’t she??!)

The Crown or that show that you keep thinking is about Princess Margaret, so you just can’t figure out why it’s mostly about Queen Elizabeth II and her philandering husband. Who cares about the queen and her cheating, heartbreaking man?! We want more of Princess Margaret! I agree with Vanessa Kirby, who plays Princess Margaret in Seasons 1 and 2, we need a Princess Margaret spin-off. Starring Vanessa Kirby, of course. 🙂

So, last year when I sat down to watch the first season of The Crown for the very first time, about 5 minutes into the series, I knew my dad needed to watch this show too. My dad is a HUGE historian. The man really should have a Ph.D. in history from any American Ivy league school or Oxford or Cambridge or any fucking way too expensive college that he never could afford and only afforded the small college he did go to thanks to the G.I. Bill, because he’s just that much of a genius when it comes to history and him knowing it all. For example, he was born and raised and pretty much always lived in Florida, except for his time in the Marine Corps, and he has quite the reputation where he lives in Florida as a Florida history expert. Lots of Yankees like to visit Florida (yes, us Southerners still call you Northern folk Yankees, but I live in Yankee-land now and am married to a Yankee woman, so I say I can still use this probably now very un-PC word, Lord knows my dad still does), so the locals in town are always telling the Yankees to go talk to my dad if they want to know anything about Florida history, and they’re not joking. My dad can literally point to a field in the middle of nowhere as he is driving by it at 60 miles an hour and say, “You see that field way over there, well in 1835 there was a skirmish there between the Seminole Indians and the Union Army…,” and on and on he will go about some completely unknown skirmish in the middle of freaking nowhere as we are zooming past it in his truck that happened in Florida a million eons ago that him and maybe two other people know about. The man just knows fucking everything when it comes to history, and the British royal family is no exception. So five minutes into the first season of The Crown, I was so wishing for my dad to be sitting right next to me on my futon, because even though I’m quite the history buff myself (because I’m a lot like my dad, which is both a good and a bad thing, right Dad?), I’m only a minor historian when it comes to the current British royal family and I had 700 million questions I needed to ask him about what was happening on The Crown.

STAT!

But my dad doesn’t have Netflix, which is where The Crown is streaming here in America. And why he isn’t like everybody and their brother and jumping on the Netflix bandwagon is because my dad is trying to live a very simple, very quiet life now. He’s happy living in his double-wide trailer with his satellite TV, and his very sweet yellow lab dog (Hi Pippa, miss you!), and enjoying his official retirement as a school teacher where he’s not really retired at all because now he takes care of goats and donkeys (even a three-legged donkey and let me just say how adorable it is to see your dad put an artificial leg on a 3-legged donkey) and mows grass for a living, and best of all he’s got no wife, because after being married to my mother (aka Joan Crawford Junior) for 43 terrifying years, he’s now divorced and only looking for and getting a simple life. So, why add Netflix into the mix to turn his simple life complicated when he already has 700 channels on his satellite dish??! So, for a year, as I obsessively watched Season 1 of The Crown, as I very, very, very impatiently waited for Season 2 (and now I’m repeating that process by obsessively watching Season 2 of The Crown, while impatiently waiting for Season 3), I kept thinking, “My dad has got to watch this show!”

But there is hope for this dilemma of mine (and if you’re reading this review right now, Dad, don’t read the rest until after Christmas…Have you turned off the review yet, Dad?…Oh FUCK! I just talked to him on the phone and he opened his Christmas present early. Or as he said, “I’m 71 years old, so I can open my Christmas present any damn time I please,” and he’s right, oh well, so much for the surprise). Anyway, I got my dad Season 1 of The Crown on DVD for Christmas this year, because Netflix finally released the DVDs of Season 1, because they wait a whole agonizing year (just ask my big sister who has to wait for Orange Is The New Black on DVD every year) to release their shows on DVD, because Netflix wants people shelling out their barely there hard-earned money to Netflix subscriptions, not waiting for the DVDs, and since no one wears patient pants anymore, lots of people just get Netflix instead of waiting a bloody year. But now the wait for me to talk to my dad all about The Crown is almost over.

Especially since he opened his Christmas present up early.

And now that I’m thinking on that, thank goodness he did!

I knew my dad was a genius after all. 

Whew!

No more waiting.

Except, once he’s done with Season 1, I’ll then have to wait a whole freaking year to buy him Season 2, because I have Season 2 questions now as well, dammit! Yet one more way my mother has introduced trauma into my life. My dad is trying to keep it simple thanks to being married to my crazy mother for way too long, so he doesn’t want every freaking streaming service out there on top of 700 channels on satellite, so I gotta wait a bloody year every time The Crown has a new season!

Oh well.

I don’t blame him for wanting the simple life.

It’s a goal I try to achieve every day since my escape from Joan Crawford Junior too.

Let’s put it this way, when I was visiting my dad this summer, in-between all the Florida history lessons he gave me as we drove around Florida visiting now long-deceased relatives’ homes and farms and businesses and such, now that my dad has the simple life, I asked him what was harder (and I was actually serious when I asked him this), fighting in Vietnam for 13 months or being married to my mother for 43 years. He said he’d pick Vietnam any day, even if it was for 43 years. Smart man. 


My dad in Vietnam, circa 1966, where he spent 13 months in hell and in wet socks, and poor guy kept begging family back home to send him dry socks, because apparently it never stops raining in Vietnam…

VERSUS

 Being married to this woman for 43 years…
But he did have tons of clean and dry socks during those 43 years, because the woman was maniacally obsessed with cleaning
, along with doing some light gardening, just like Joan Crawford

I may not have been in the Vietnam War, but I was in the Joan Crawford Junior War, and after hearing my dad’s Vietnam stories compared to growing up in the Joan Crawford Junior War, I agree with my dad, Vietnam was the safer choice.

And what all of this nonsense means is that I’m in love with The Crown. And why wouldn’t I fall in love with a show that makes me want to talk history with my dad? Those shows are always the best kind to me. 🙂

So, what is The Crown about anyway, besides my dad getting it as a Christmas present even though he opens his Christmas presents way before Christmas, and even though it should be, but isn’t totally and only about Princess Margaret, especially with Vanessa Kirby playing her? Well, The Crown is about Queen Elizabeth II’s reign from the time it started in 1952, and with intentions to take the series to 6 seasons, leading all the way to present day (so see, they could just keep making the bloody thing as long as there is a British sovereign, even after Elizabeth). This show is just the best thing on TV right now and not just because it’s a great platform to talk history, history, nothing but lovely, awful, tragic, triumphant HISTORY with my dad or because it has the very lovely Vanessa Kirby. I just can’t stop watching The Crown for many, many, many reasons. And why not, it’s got everything…

History.

Drama.

Tragedy.

Royalty.

Scandal.

Death.

Birth.

Adultery.

War.

The Judi Dench of her generation, the unbelievably talented and she SO better get an Emmy next time, Claire Foy, who plays Queen Elizabeth II with absolute perfection. God, she kicks ass in acting every time!

John Lithgow somehow kicking ass as Winston Churchill even though he’s too tall and too thin to be Winston Churchill and whenever he walked into a scene, I kept saying the first go-around watching the show, “Even though I love me some John Lithgow, he doesn’t look anything like Winston Churchill.” But then John Lithgow would do his acting magic and PRESTO, there was Winston and John was nowhere to be seen. That is a genius at work there, people.

A kick ass soundtrack that maybe I’m listening to right now as I am writing this, but only maybe.

Unfortunately a scene in Season 1 with a rather homophobic exchange between the Queen and her husband, but not surprising, just disappointing that the stories I was told were true, these are not people who are fans of us real queens.

The very lovely and very beautiful and very talented and oh so very sexy Vanessa Kirby as Princess Margaret. Who I’ve already mentioned many times in this review and I even mentioned her in my review for Me, Myself and Her, which Vanessa Kirby wasn’t even in, but the woman is so lovely and so talented that I had to mention my love for her there as well. (Of course I’m going to mention her many times and in many places on my website from now on. And why not??! Watch me do it again, because it’s that much fun!)

The very lovely and very beautiful and very talented and very sexy Vanessa Kirby as Princess Margaret. (See, just as fun no matter how many times you mention her!)

Bisexuality.

And unfortunately, Vanessa Kirby’s Princess Margaret is not the one who is bisexual, it’s her husband, so I don’t get to watch her making out with another woman and that is just a crime. 🙁

Well, the series can’t have it all!

Sigh…

Vanessa Kirby…

One of the main reasons why I’m in love with The Crown is because of Princess Margaret or at least Vanessa Kirby’s interpretation of the notorious princess. Princess Margaret’s life has been described as romantically tragic, but the way Vanessa Kirby plays her, I just see tragic, which is probably closer to the truth anyway. Putting “romantic” in front of “tragic” makes one see it all as so wonderfully morose and oh, can’t I have a tragic romance as well to dream about longingly just like they do in the movies. Well, movies ain’t real life and even though The Crown is a movie, it likes to show us what real life is like for the British royal family and having a romantically tragic life, quite frankly, sucks! 

It’s awful.

Just awful what happens to Margaret.

And this was a real person, with real feelings, who really lived this life. 

It’s not some story someone made up to satisfy our weird need for tragically morose stories like Wuthering Heights, which I never liked because I went through all of that just to have it end tragically! Whatever!

This woman had to live this unhappy life just to please her family.

Well, she didn’t HAVE to. She could have just told them all to fuck off! But instead, she towed the line for the sake of the family and got fucked in the process. 

And not in a good way.

I saw absolutely nothing romantic about Margaret’s tragedies at all, only because by the time Season 1 ended, I knew where Princess Margaret was heading without even having to look up her history. I knew she was now going to face a life of depression. And according to Season 2 of The Crown, that is what happens to her. 

And I knew this instinctively because the whole time I was watching Princess Margaret in Season 1 (and now with Season 2) of The Crown, it was like watching a piece of my own life as well. And that’s not a good thing for Princess Margaret or for me.

Youngest of two sisters.

Oldest sister always shining.

Oldest sister always getting the attention.

The younger sister getting ignored and feeling worthless because of this lack of attention.

And the way Vanessa Kirby’s Princess Margaret fell into her self-loathing depressions, with every fiber of her body and soul. Oh yeah, that’s me. I don’t just get depressed when I fall into a depression cycle. I get D-E-P-R-E-S-S-E-D! I stare off into space, crying and doing nothing but thinking, thinking, thinking about the person or event that has sent me into the cycle of feeling like fuck. Princess Margaret does her depressions with lots of drinking and smoking cigarettes, though. I don’t drink and don’t smoke cigarettes, but if I did, boy I’d be smoking and staring, smoking and staring, smoking and staring and chugging a whiskey like it was nothing, as I stared into the nothing of outer-space of doom and gloom. 

The real life Princess Margaret and Vanessa Kirby’s version

So, basically, Princess Margaret’s depression is a lot like mine and I’m not happy at all about that. I wish I never had this debilitating depression of mine that has been sharing space with my brain since I was 11 years old. I wish I was nothing like Princess Margaret when it came to that. But I am.

At the end of Season 1, after Margaret’s sister, the Queen, tells Margaret that she can’t marry Peter Townsend, the man she loves, simply because he is divorced and that goes against the Church of England’s policy, a church the Queen is head of (thanks to Henry VIII and his crazy-ass need for a son), Princess Margaret replies to the Queen with this quote, 

“Peter is the only one…I know I appear strong, but I’m not. Peter is the only one who knows how to calm me, to reassure me, protect me. Don’t tell me you understand that. You don’t know for a minute what it is like to be unhinged. To be flailing about. Well, Peter is the only one who can hold me together. Without him, I’m lost.”

The first time I saw this scene, I thought to myself, “Oh God, no. She’s just like me. No. How awful for her.” I got me a Peter in my life too and without her, I’d be flailing about, lost as well. And even with her, I find myself still sometimes flailing about, just like Princess Margaret does in a painfully tragic scene in Season 2, where she is up late at night, drinking and smoking and singing a sad song and crying. She is also literally flailing about with NO ONE to help her.

NO ONE.

She is crying and yelling and hitting herself and knocking inanimate objects about and then collapses in front of a mirror and it was like I turned on my TV and suddenly there was me and what my depression looks like when it gets this bad, because I do the same thing too when I’m in a depression as awful as this, because I was in a depression as awful as this the first time I saw this scene last week. Christmas just isn’t fun anymore for me. Christmas is just mostly sad and a big ole reminder of what is still missing from my life, a child. My wife and I tried for several years to have a baby, but all we did was empty out our savings account instead. So like Margaret, I have a certain type of love that I am dying to give to someone, but I don’t have that person in my life that I need in order to give this love to. In my case, a child. In Margaret’s case, she needed to give her love to Peter Townsend, and here she was in this tragic scene, nearing 30 and still single, still childless, still without a purpose, crying and wailing and yelling and screaming at the world, “Why? Why? WHY?!” And here I was, sitting on my futon at 45 years old, still childless, hating Christmas when I used to love it so much, looking at this scene and screaming through tears as well, “Why? Why? WHY??!” Because let’s face it, Christmas is for kids, so without them, after trying for them and only failing, it’s gets depressing for someone like me, who is already prone to depression, to then empty out our savings account that we worked so hard to build up and budgeted it so we could make the money last as long as possible, so we could finally make our family complete, so my wife and I could finally give our love to a child that we have so desperately wanted to do since pretty much our first date almost 20 years ago now, only to end up without a child and broke, especially at Christmas time. It gets a bit heartbreaking.

During this breakdown Princess Margaret was having, just as I was having basically the same breakdown too, I knew what she was thinking as she collapsed in front of her mirror, tears running down her face, “What a worthless piece of shit you are. You’re nobody. You’re nothing. No wonder people abandon you and abuse you and treat you like the shit you are. Pathetic.” And then I went crying back into my bed, because I just couldn’t take watching Princess Margaret go through something that I not only predicted after seeing Season 1, because my brain and soul think the same way too, but I was right in the middle of what I had predicted, just as Princess Margaret was going through it too. I still have the bruises on my chest from my flailing about last week, beating on myself because I hate myself so much when I get like this that I think I deserve to be hurt, so I do it myself. Just hitting on myself, hoping the physical pain will take away the emotional pain, but it doesn’t. This is an awful way to live, so please, for the love of God, stop calling these kinds of lives as romantically tragic, because they are ONLY TRAGIC! I’ve said it before on this website and I’ll say it again, “There is NOTHING romantic about tragedy or depression! Especially depression. So stop thinking it is a beautiful curse! IT IS ONLY A CURSE! There is nothing beautiful about it and that is why I’m in love with Vanessa Kirby and her performance as Princess Margaret, she KNOWS this and plays it that way. When you walk away from the first two seasons of The Crown, if you still want to have a romantically tragic life, you are N-U-T-S, NUTS for wanting it, because Vanessa shows you what depression looks like, really looks like and it is FUCKING AWFUL!

Princess Margaret and her bisexual loving husband, Tony Armstrong-Jones, who is not only dating several women when they get married, but he’s seeing both the husband and the wife of a married couple as well. It all sounds cool and hip and PC and stuff, but I don’t think this is the love Princess Margaret dreamed about.

So, I want to thank Vanessa Kirby from the bottom of my sad, depressed heart for making depression look real instead of romantic. For helping me to understand that I’m not a bad person when this happens to me, I’m just depressed and need help. You are actually doing what no therapist and no psychiatrist was ever able to do for me, help me understand my depression and help me start to heal from its causes, because it’s a lot easier to understand my depression, and so start the healing process, finally, when it’s right there on my TV looking right back at me like a mirror. And if that mirror has the very lovely and very sexy Vanessa Kirby to help heal my sadness, then all the better! Finally, something good about my depression. This woman is an amazing actor and I can’t wait to spend years and years and years watching her on my TV.

And I want to thank my dad for being such a kick ass history buff and lover of TV, because The Crown just wouldn’t be The Crown without getting to talk all about it with my dad. Merry Christmas, Dad! Yeah, that’s right, I dared to say Merry Christmas and thereby pissing off those PC people you are also annoyed as hell by, because let’s face it, being PC is just another bandwagon. No one is actually ever going to take the time and effort and energy involved in living a really, truly PC life.

And best of all now the wait is over for me and The Crown Season 2…

But now I’m waiting for Season 3…

And then I’ll be waiting for Season 4…

And then Season 5…

And crying, crying, crying after Season 6 is over, because the series will then be over, but at least the waiting, waiting, waiting for the next season to come will, finally, be over too. And maybe by then, my days of being depressed like Princess Margaret will be over too, because I am damned determined to conquer this beast called depression. Princess Margaret never did, but by God, I am trying not to repeat history here! And if Vanessa Kirby wants to come over sometime to help me out by re-enacting some of those scenes as Princess Margaret, then so be it. 😉

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