- I got to see Elizabeth Taylor naked!!! I got to see Elizabeth Taylor naked!!! I got to see Elizabeth Taylor naked!!! Or was that a body double I got to see naked? Damn, it was a body double, but still, I got to see Elizabeth Taylor's body double naked, so close enough in my book!! Unless...Elizabeth Taylor was actually naked in another movie that I don't know about...Hmmm...Now I gotta go watch every movie she was in after that damn censor board died to see if she was actually, really, and no it's not a body double, naked in one of them films. Oh, what a terrible chore for one to do, but do it I will!
Starring – Elizabeth Taylor, Marlon Brando, Julie Harris, Brian Keith, Zorro David, Robert Forster
Directed by John Huston
“There is a fort in the South where a few years ago a murder was committed.” -Carson McCullers
The film censor board is dead!
The film censor board is dead!
The film censor board is dead!
Long live…the MPAA ratings system??!
Well that wasn’t really an improvement, now was it?!! 🙁
Was the death of the dreadfully awful and always killing all the fun in movies film censor board what Carson McCullers was talking about? Did the movie, Reflections in a Golden Eye, based on her novel, murder the film censor board? Nope or at least it helped a bit to kill it since the film came out in 1967, a year before the death knell was finally struck on that damn film censor board because the movie has all kinds of “immoral” things going on in it like lots of Elizabeth Taylor nudity (or at least her body double’s nudity) and Marlon Brando being a super repressed homosexual, along with another guy who is a bit less repressed about being homosexual, and a third guy who is totally out about being homosexual, and straight people having extramarital affairs, and a naked (or at least her body double) Elizabeth Taylor trying to seduce her very homosexual husband (and you know you are a gay man when you can’t be seduced by a naked Elizabeth Taylor, body double or not), and Julie Harris cutting off her nipples, and…
Oh yeah, a character in this crazy-ass, but still somehow I loved it anyway movie, had cut off her nipples prior to the start of the film with a pair of garden shears after her child died. I’ve been proven by psychiatrits to be crazy and I’ve certainly done a crazy thing in my life to my nipples, as in getting my nipples pierced on my 40th birthday, because, you know, you gotta do something crazy on your 40th birthday, and since I don’t drink and no way was I jumping out of an airplane, so I got my nipples pierced instead. But never have I gotten so crazy that I wanted to cut them off, which goes to show you how fucking crazy the people in this movie are, because that isn’t even the craziest thing that happens in this crazy, but I still loved it anyway movie.
Anyway, the death that Carson McCullers was talking about was about a very repressed homosexual Army officer who killed a hot Private guy who rejected him for his hot wife instead. But more on that later. Let’s talk about that awful, dreaded, you stupid son-of-a-bitch, I wanted to see those gay people be gay in all those movies they were in during the 1930s through the late 1960s, especially those Tennessee Williams movies that never made any God damned sense because he was always writing about homosexuals, film censor board that lasted in Hollywood for way, way, way too long, until the MPAA decided on giving movies ratings instead of using flat-out censorship.
For many a decades, Hollywood had a film censor board to decide what could be in a movie and, most especially, what could NOT be in a movie when it came to morals, especially homosexuals, who could NOT be in films, and so the film censor board did a lot of telling people what could NOT be in a movie because people had some really, really strict morals back then, and even though no one seems to have morals now, those strict morals back then weren’t that great either because most people didn’t follow those morals either, even the ones who made them up, yet they still expected people to follow these strict morals that even they who made them up couldn’t follow, because for some odd reason, they made them so strict that even the Virgin Mary would have been considered a slut back then, because, you know, she did eventually sleep with Joseph. Can’t we find some middle ground and some logic on morals, society??!! And you know, like actually having morals, but not go overboard with such strict morals that no one can follow anyway, because we are, you know, human and all?
Where in the fuck is that damn Ferris Bueller??!
Anyway, society hit the 1960s, and the 1960s told society let’s get naked and burn our bras and embrace rock music and protest wars, so the film censor board suddenly was a dinosaur (what took you so long, society, to see that it was a dinosaur the moment it was created??!) of the past and so it died a quick fiery death (that really took like 30 years to die, since it began in the 1930s) and a new way to monitor our morals on film was put in its stead and we still have it today in 2017 – the Motion Picture Association of America ratings system, or better known to the lay audience as the ratings – G, PG, PG-13, R, and the never used NC-17 (also formerly known as X-rated).
So, even though Reflections in a Golden Eye was published in 1941, thank goodness they waited until 1967 to make the movie because by then the film censor code had relaxed its standards a bit (but still, they were strict motherfuckers) and so we could have things like a body double being nude, but really mostly covered by shadows and she was only nude from the back, and showing married couples having affairs, and super repressed homosexuals. Although, “homosexual” or “gay” is never uttered in this film, because we still had that damn film censor board, so you got to open your mind a bit to understand what they are talking about, but since it was just a year away until the film censor board officially died (November 1, 1968, exactly 4 years before I was born, a coincidence? maybe?) they still, I guess, couldn’t say “homosexual” or “gay” but only refer to it in round-about ways that really weren’t so round-about at all, because it’s pretty obvious who the homosexuals are in the movie. Especially since Elizabeth Taylor tells a joke about queers (because I guess it was okay to say “queers” as long as it was making fun of us) to her maid and they just laugh and laugh and laugh about it. (And I gotta say, it hurt hearing that joke, even though it was just a movie and Elizabeth Taylor more than proved during her life what a huge supporter she was of the gay community, but still it hurt me to the core hearing her tell that joke in the movie.)
Anyway, thanks to the film censor board almost being dead when Reflections in a Golden Eye was made, we get to see more than guess who all these homosexuals in the movie are, and so for once I was watching a film censor board era movie and not having to try quite so hard to find the homosexuals. And so, what in the hell is this movie with lots of naked Elizabeth Taylor’s body double and homosexuals and ladies cutting off their nipples instead of piercing them about anyway??! Well, if you are a fan of Cat on a Hot Tin Roof (and what a smart person you are because you must also enjoy seeing Elizabeth Taylor in a sexy white slip!) then you will understand this movie a bit more than the average person, because Reflections in a Golden Eye is a lot like Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, with married couples who are extremely sexually frustrated because they aren’t having sex, and husbands who are really repressed about liking men, except in this movie, they are all even more crazy.
Kind of like this movie is on steroids.
Or some kind of drug that I haven’t taken (I’ve only ever taken doctor prescribed drugs and marijuana because I may be crazy, but I’m not that crazy to take a bunch of drugs that can kill you or really fuck you up, although those psychiatrist prescribed pills I took certainly fucked me up, but at least now marijuana is legal and so I don’t have to worry my poor conscience anymore about breaking the law, because I’m one of those odd people who actually has very deep and strong morals and I try my best to stick to them), but I imagine takes your brain and spins it into unknown worlds of just plain fucking crazy, which is where this movie goes compared to Cat on a Hot Tin Roof. (Kind of like those drugs those incompetent psychiatrists gave me, so see, I was smart to not ever take other drugs, because I don’t like my brain being fucked up! It’s already a mess without drugs, thank you very much!)
Marlon Brando is an officer in the Army and he is married to Elizabeth Taylor (and who wouldn’t be since she was beyond gorgeous and the proof is her being married 8 times, which is only two more times than my big sister, but since she is currently working on divorce number 6, my big sister is fast catching up to you, Elizabeth), but he doesn’t have sex with her anymore, if he ever did, even though in one scene she gets undressed right in front of him very slowly…
…I got to picturing that scene and I forgot what I was writing about…
…Hmmm…who cares…I’m too busy picturing that scene again, so just give me a minute of mental bliss here…it’s rare that I have mental bliss, so just deal…
Elizabeth getting her seduction on. I definitely know that I am a homosexual woman after watching this scene. Oh yes, most definitely. Why would anyone ever want a man when they could have that? Well, Marlon, if you aren’t partaking, can I? 😉
Anyway, so we learn right away at the beginning of the movie between that queer-phobic joke Elizabeth tells her maid and then the seduction that fell flat that Marlon Brando may be a big, tough guy who likes to lift weights, but he doesn’t want to have sex in any way, shape, or form (and what a lovely form Elizabeth Taylor had, oh my!) with his very sexy and beautiful wife. And if that doesn’t scream “HOMOSEXUAL!!!!” I’m not sure what does. But don’t worry about Elizabeth because she’s not too sexually frustrated like in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof because this time she got smarter and decided against sexual frustration and so is having an affair with that guy from Family Affair and Parent Trap, because that’s how I always see Brian Keith, as the dad from Family Affair and Parent Trap. And even though he passed away a while ago, I’m sure he would be none too thrilled to know that after a lifetime of acting, this movie buff only thinks of him as the cool dad from those two projects. Sorry, Mr. Keith.
So then while this seduction that falls flat (except it didn’t fall flat on me, because I certainly would sleep with you, Elizabeth) we get to see this creepy, but kind of hot looking Private (Robert Forster) be all stalker-ish like and stare at the couple as this seduction fails. The creepy, but kind of hot Private (hey, I may be a lesbian, but I’m not blind) spies on this couple ALL THE TIME! Hence, the reflection of said golden eye. Anyway, we soon meet the very nice Julie Harris, who went a bit mad and cut off her nipples and soon discover that she may have cut off her nipples, but she is actually the sanest person in the movie because she is well aware that her husband (Brian Keith) is having an affair with Elizabeth Taylor, because even without nipples, she knows that there aren’t many people who find women attractive that wouldn’t have an affair with Elizabeth Taylor. So, Julie Harris, (who is called Alison in the film and I thought that was kind of cool because that’s my actual name, Alison, although I always preferred Ali because Alison is just such a fancy name and I’m not a fancy person and since my parents named me after the actress Ali MacGraw, I don’t know why they officially gave me the name Alison, but oh well, I just go by Ali and I guess I never had a choice about being a movie buff since I was named after a movie star) goes home and we meet this guy named Anacleto (Zorro David) and he is totally openly homosexual and Brian Keith is none too thrilled with this poofter, but the poofter keeps his wife happy and possibly away from garden shears, so Brian Keith just deals, and why not just deal when you are having an affair with Elizabeth Taylor??!!
Ali MacGraw, my name sake.
Is it weird to be attracted to the person you were named after? Well, my dad is attracted to her, hence me getting named after her, and since my dad and I share similar taste in women, so be it!
And so pretty much after that it is mostly about Elizabeth Taylor and Brian Keith running off to ride horses together, aka, sleeping together, and sometimes Marlon Brando joining them, but only on the horse riding part, not the sleeping together part. But then the hot stalker guy shows up to the horse riding stuff too, but only from a distance because he is always riding a horse literally butt naked, and this makes Elizabeth Taylor laugh and it makes Marlon Brando very, very, very angry, probably because he is enjoying the hot stalker guy’s very naked, very white butt. So it’s just more fighting between sexually frustrated Marlon and not so sexually frustrated Elizabeth and more hot stalker guy stalking them, but then we find out he is really just stalking Elizabeth Taylor because he keeps going to her bedroom at night after she has passed out drunk and just stares and stares and stares and stares at her, so you know, extremely creepy this hot stalker guy is. And we also keep hearing about this big party that Elizabeth Taylor is going to throw and then she does and then she whips Marlon Brando over and over again in the face during the party because she finds out that he abused her beloved horse, but I think he did it because he couldn’t find a way to sleep with her because of being homosexual and all, so he takes it out on her horse (poor horse, except maybe not too poor since Elizabeth Taylor got to ride him). And then we finally meet this other homosexual Army guy, who isn’t quite so repressed, but maybe that’s not so good for his Army career because he basically has to leave the Army because everyone knows he’s homosexual and so he keeps getting passed up for promotion, so no wonder Marlon Brando is so repressed, he likes getting promoted in the Army. And then we hear why poor repressed Marlon has been repressed about being homosexual his whole life…
“Any fulfillment obtained at the expense of normality is wrong and should not be allowed to bring happiness. In short, it’s a…It’s better, because it’s morally honorable for the square peg to keep scraping about in a round hole rather than to discover and use the unorthodox one that would fit it.”
So see, he was never going to find a way to just be himself because he thinks being himself is not normal and he’s all about being normal. Oh, if only he had watched the even more insane movie, Myra Breckinridge, he would have heard Farrah Fawcett explain in that even weirder movie what normal is, “Well, it’s what everyone does. I mean it’s what the majority of society does most.” Because now being homosexual is considered to be quite normal because lots of us are out of the closet and living openly gay lives and so all that suffering that poor, repressed Marlon went through in this movie was for nothing because 50 years later, it is okay to be gay. But Marlon’s character probably never saw that freedom since he finally decides to stalk the hot stalker guy, but soon discovers that the hot stalker guy isn’t after him, but after sexy Elizabeth Taylor instead and so then we get that murder at that fort in the South that Carson McCullers (who had some sexuality issues herself, bless her, because supposedly she never could get a woman to sleep with her) told us was coming at the very beginning of the movie.
And so, the moral of the story is, if Elizabeth Taylor strips naked in front of you and wants you to sleep with her, for the love of God and Christmas and all things holy, just do it! Lord knows I would. 😉
P.S: In case you were wondering (and why not wonder, I sure would be), I don’t have those nipple piercings anymore. My nipples smartly didn’t like being pierced and 9 months later, I took them out because they never would heal, dammit! Talk about a major OUCH for 9 months! I would have taken them out sooner, but having my nipples pierced was the worse pain of my entire life (which later was a big DUH! because HELLO! nipples are super sensitive, so of course it would hurt like a bitch from hell to get them pierced) and I was sooooooo determined to make those piercings work after dealing with all that pain. Plus, they looked damn good. But, they did not work to both mine and my wife’s sad realization. Oh well. At least I tried. 🙁